For the first several years of our marriage, we used NFP to avoid pregnancy. We wanted to take more time to get to know each other as husband and wife and to establish ourselves in our careers. We wanted to save up a little money, pay off school loans, and buy a house so that we would feel situated enough to be ready for children. We knew that had we become pregnant “on accident” we would have joyfully accepted a new life, but it wasn’t in our plans yet. What we didn’t realize at the time was that essentially what we were doing was using NFP with a contraceptive mindset. The method was working quite well, but we left God out of our plans when we should have invited the Holy Spirit to help us prayerfully discern when to have our children.

As in all things, our faith has matured over time and we have come to understand the beauty of the Church’s teachings on marriage and family life. God is the one who is in control of whether or not we will have a child. This was made painfully evident when our first two pregnancies ended in miscarriage. I felt hurt and didn’t understand why when we wanted children so much, we could not have any yet. We weathered this hurt and pain together, and it ended up strengthening our marriage. God knows what timing is best for us and we have to trust in that.

When you practice NFP, it allows you to communicate about the intimate details of your life. We have to talk about my physical status every day sometimes. We are both involved in daily charting for the method that we use. This detailed communication naturally leads into a better communication between husband and wife overall. It has enabled us in our marriage to weather some pretty rough storms and come through them united with each other.

It’s not easy sometimes to have to abstain during the fertile phase of my cycle, but it is a sacrifice we make together because we are committed to what we feel is right for us. No chemicals have ever entered my body to disrupt God’s life-giving love, and there has never been a barrier between us or our fertility. Jesus said that “the two shall become one” and at our wedding we pledged our lives to each other totally. We didn’t say you can have all of me except for my fertility. In exchange for the sacrifice we’ve made, our intimacy has grown deeper over the years because nothing has been held back.

God’s providence has allowed us to have children. NFP has provided a way for us to both postpone and achieve pregnancy. Through it all we have come to love the beauty of life and the miracle of God’s creation so much, that we can’t imagine our lives without our children. God has been abundant in His blessings, and we are very fortunate. I know many Catholic families who have gone on to have several children. This has sadly been portrayed as a stereotype. But what I’ve noticed is that these families seem to have learned to love life so much that not being able to participate in the miracle of another birth is incomprehensible to them. Each child is a gift from God, not an accident, or even a surprise, but a gift. This is what the practice of NFP has opened us up to. I’m not saying that everyone should try to have a large family. People have different circumstances that can take them in a different direction. But by using NFP we have developed the ability to communicate about our circumstances and decide together through prayer whether a new life is an option for our family this month, or if we have a serious enough reason to avoid a pregnancy. Our journey with NFP has led us to loving God and loving life.

Laurie